Wording Worries

I'll be honest: the catalyst for starting this blog was words. Words that hurt. Over time, I have come to realize that these poignant words were most likely spoken with good, though misguided, intentions. As I take a step back, however, and view this blog from an outsider's perspective, I am beginning wonder if my words are also causing an adverse effect I did not intend. I wonder if my words are pushing people away rather than drawing them in. 

You see, our adoption agency has provided us with a double-edged sword: education. Being educated is of the utmost importance, of course, but it has also scared us straight. Maybe a little too straight. It's easy to view adoption through rose-colored glasses, but in reality, there is a lot of risk, a lot of unknowns, and a lot of information to sift through. With all of this pertinent information floating around in our brains, we feel that everyone who will come to know Alex should know what we know. But still, we are not experts, try as we might. Like many parents-to-be, we are simply reading up and scared to death.

So, I'd like to invite you to learn with me. Talk with me. Say the wrong words, and learn the right words. In the end, this endeavor should be about experiencing life with an amazing kid, but please hang in there as I post on a few more difficult topics. As much as I'd like to skip right to the camping trips and baseball games, there is a process that will need to take place. A process that might go smoothly... or might not. Either way, we will need the support of our family and friends more than ever. We will need you to understand what we are going through, for better or worse. And that is the main purpose of this blog: to get everyone on the same page, with the same knowledge and background information. 

When it comes to communicating, I have never been the type to be an "open book" about anything. However, I want to be now, about this, about adoption. Please feel free to comment or ask questions (publicly or privately), and don't let worries about wording keep you out of these conversations (even Ryan and I still struggle with wording at times). We know that 99% of the people we talk with are well-intentioned and interested though may not know the "correct" way to ask certain questions. Understand, however, that we may not always have the answers to your questions no matter how you ask. After all, we aren't technically parents yet, and there is so much more to learn! 

Here are some articles that we found helpful in learning how to communicate positively about adoption:

• Positive Adoption Language
• How to Approach and Talk to Adoptive Parents

P.S. To clear up the "lucky" discussion a bit further, it is a-okay if you think and believe Alex to be lucky. We just don't want people telling him he is lucky on a regular basis as he grows up. He may not always, or ever, feel lucky, and we don't want to undermine any difficult issues he may be dealing with or create any resentfulness within our family.