Making Assumptions

Ryan and I overheard a very awkward interaction the other day between an older gentleman and a younger man named Matthew. (I don't know Matthew personally, but I knew his name by reading the name-tag prominently displayed on his shirt.) The conversation went a little like this:

Older gentleman: Geez, with all of this snow, people are going to be spinning lots of doughnuts out in the parking lot! 

Matthew: What was that?

Older gentleman: Spinning doughnuts. You don't do that in Asia? It means spinning your car around on the ice. 

Matthew: What was that last part?

Older gentleman: It means spinning your car around on the ice. 

Matthew: No, the other part. 

Older gentleman: What, you don't do that in Asia? You are Asian, aren't you?

Matthew: Oooh, you're glad I'm working right now.

Older gentleman: Oh, I'm sorry. It was a bad attempt at humor. I'm sorry. 

Matthew: That's okay, it happens at your age - OH, sorry. 

They both laughed and moved on. 

Now, Matthew obviously had an Asian heritage. But, his name was Matthew, and his "accent" sounded like any other home-grown Minnesota I've ever heard. My guess is, he had never been to Asia. He might consider himself Asian-American or just American. (I'm a Euro-mutt, but I don't call myself European-American.) For all I know, he was a Korean adoptee, just like Alex will be. Or he might have a family with an Asian heritage who have lived in the U.S. for more than a generation. 

I think this conversation is significant for a couple of reasons. It points out the assumptions that many of us make about people who don't look like us - even when all evidence points to the contrary. And from the way Matthew handled the interaction, it seemed like he'd done it all before, perhaps a number of times, with varying politeness and humor. 

And that is the other reason I find this interaction to be significant. I don't know if Matthew found the older gentleman's comments racist, ignorant, rude, or otherwise, but it was clear that assumptions were being made. Incorrect assumptions. Yet Matthew handled the interaction swiftly, with humor, and in a way that made the older gentleman realize his mistake without making a scene. I admired that. And it made me realize something: We are going to need to teach Alex how to handle interactions like these because assumptions will be made about him, too, whether we like it or not. 

I found another really cool blog the other day called "Ask a Korean!" which features a ton of pertinent and thoughtful information, all with a slight sense of humor. I would like to share a specific post with you entitled "Ask a Korean! News: An Open Letter to Non-Asian People." It's basically a how-to guide for interacting with Asians or Asian-Americans (or anybody, really). The main points I take away are this: don't make assumptions, because you will probably be wrong, and it's just insulting. 

So, please, please, read the post! There will be a quiz later. A real-life quiz. With a real-life kid. 

And feel free to peruse the rest of the blog, of course, as I find it to be quite good!