I wrote a post awhile back about the emotions of waiting. At the time, 3 weeks into the travel wait, I was riding the proverbial roller coaster of emotions. Lately, however, more than 2 months into the travel wait, I've been on cloud 9. I've been surprised by how much I could love a human being I have never met. How much I could long for and literally miss someone I have never met. Ah, the mysteries of love.
It still feels a bit strange, however, to think of myself as a mommy. As having a son. A son I have never met. A son who will turn 9 months old next week. A son whose first birthday I will likely miss. Sigh. I'm a mommy without any mommy skills... except for love. I have that. And longing, too. I miss him as if I've known him since the day he was born. This may seem a bit sad to think about, but for whatever reason, I can't help but be overwhelmingly happy, grateful, and optimistic. I can't wait for 2011!
I think about Alex a lot too, wondering what he is doing, Is he sleeping now, crawling around, going outside? What is the home like where he lives? Wishing he was here too.
ReplyDeleteI wonder that stuff too... I wonder if he's walking yet! I bet he's close!
ReplyDeleteSo sweet, made me smile. You are a great mommy! I can't wait to see you and Alex united (and have lots of play dates!!!!!!) Like the exclamation points? ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou can come over and play with Elise anytime - she is 19 pounds too. :-)
Awesome, Laura! I have winter break coming up so we should definitely get together. Maybe I could bring you coffee!!! :-)
ReplyDeletePlay dates will be awesome too... it's hard to remember that Alex is more than 2 months OLDER than Elise!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was pregnant with you, Jen, I had a hard time thinking of myself as a mommy. What would I be like, how am I going to do this daunting parenting thing-gee I really hate changing diapers. THEN you appeared. The first second I saw you, all of that changed. All of a sudden I was YOUR mommy and I couldn't get enough of you - AND no one could change your diapers other than me!! My love for you conquered all of my fears. After you and Ryan get your little son, I wonder how long it will be until anyone else (especially ME, I say selfishly) gets to have him - LOL!!! 2011 will be an AWESOME year!!!! I can hardly wait!
ReplyDeleteHehehee, yes, I can already see myself hording - I MEAN - loving Alex so much! We'll have a good 18 hour plane ride to bond, and I'm sure our learning curves will be steep!
ReplyDeleteYea, well I know how that 18 hour plane ride goes, and I'm sure you will have have severe jet lag when you get here. I'd HATE to see that happen! In case you are really, really tired I'd be happy to hord - I MEAN - hold Alex for awhile so you can get on MN time - lol! Like THAT is going to happen!!
ReplyDeleteThere are definitely ups and downs to the "adoption roller coaster," the downs are terrifying, but it's so important to also enjoy the ups - so good for you. Honestly, it took me a long time (2 years) to settle into my identity as a mom, to really bond with my son - just because I gave birth to him did not mean I in any way had these automatic mommy feelings or instincts. For me, it was a process (I know it is more instantaneous for others). Your 2011 WILL be amazing, and probably a little roller-coastery for a bit after Alex comes home. Embrace it all.
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